Just my late-night ramblings… I had coffee a little too late into the day. **Warning: Long post of words ahead. Read at your own risk of ending up confused!**
Expectations are an interesting thing.
Webster defines “Expect” as:”to look forward”; “to consider probable or certain”; “to consider due, probable or necessary”; to consider bound in duty or obligated;
synonyms expect, hope, look mean to await some occurrence or outcome. expect implies a high degree of certainty and usually involves the idea of preparing or envisioning <expects to be finished by Tuesday>. hope implies little certainty but suggests confidence or assurance in the possibility that what one desires or longs for will happen <hopes to find a job soon>. look, with to, implies assurance that expectations will be fulfilled <looks to a tidy profit from the sale>; with for it implies less assurance and suggests an attitude of expectancy and watchfulness <look for rain when the wind shifts to the northeast>.
When I think about expectations and their impact on my life, and the lives of those around me, I see them mostly as a positive trait in every day life… but I have definitely suffered from the expectations that I have held. In my opinion, expectations are created from past experiences, knowledge and understanding, assumptions about other people, projection of own values/ideals/belief systems on something/someone else, etc. I have really wrestled with my expectations lately as I sometimes have a ‘vision’ of what things COULD be or what relationships COULD become over time and have been let down by the reality that others do not hold those same expectations. It is difficult to want to make something better and to be told time and time again, that this is the ‘just the way things are.’ Do you accept defeat and the status quo or do you continue to fight for those expectations to become a reality. I’m not sure… Maybe it depends on the day…
When do you let go of those ‘expectations’ of improvement and change? When do you simply accept along with the cynics that ‘this is just the way things are and are always going to be?”
I took an evaluation test once that described me as someone who envisions what could be… I think this is a large part of the way God has wired me – and although it is a gift, it also seems like a curse. I remember in this evaluation results discussion (@ a Kid’s Hope Director training in Grand Rapids), that I learned that we have to learn how to interact w/ others based on how we are wired. I remember hearing that the worst thing you could do to someone like me who likes to dream and come up with ideas is immediately shoot them down and say that ‘that would never work.’ Instead, it is best to say, ‘okay… well, let’s thing about how that can practically work out… or let’s adjust that dream to a more realistic goal.” I found that information very insightful in understanding who I am and what makes a healthy environment for me to be in. If I am constantly being told, “oh, we tried that.” or “that won’t work” or “that’s a bad idea” then something in me is going to die each time. On the flip side, if I am working with someone who is very detail-oriented and practical, then I can best approach them by presenting the steps or the method to which a new idea would be realized.That’s on the work side.
On the relationship side, so many times in people’s relationships with one another – we have different expectations. For example, I see potential in a friendship and work hard to develop a close bond. I expect that to be reciprocated by the other person. It’s not. That individual never puts forth the effort that I ‘expect’. Disappointment and hurt follows. Is it worth it to really put yourself out there? I have found myself lately really just accepting things for what they are. Although this may be the healthiest thing to do, I know there is a part of me that is dying inside because of it. I have witnessed firsthand what it means to EXPECT God to show up and do great things… bring 10 new volunteers, change the heart of a loved one, bring in the resources for the ministry, etc…
I am sure there is a healthy balance somewhere in there of having ‘realistic’ expectations of situations and relationships… but it seems to sway from one extreme to the other. We either expect something great and are greatly disappointed, or we don’t expect ANYTHING therefore it is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe it’s just a matter of God redeeming our expectations and making them His own.
“Faith is being SURE of what we HOPE for, certain of what we do not see.” -Hebrews 11:1
I think there will always be this strong tendency to lose HOPE just because others have… I suppose that when expectations crumble due to hard reality… you have to re-build the expectations on the foundation of God’s word. And maybe then… expectations will not lead to disappointment or cynicism because one’s hope will not be in other people or in something working out perfectly, but in Christ.
